Who is the amateur observer?

Quite simply, he is nobody. He is an insignificant person viewing the world from his insignificant perspective. He is a self-exiled pariah that is drawn to crowds, mostly because he hates small-town mentality. He is a cynical man with grinch-esque tendencies. He is a philosophical man, or at least he tries to be, but this usually ends up becoming pessimistic philosophy. He has the title of misanthropic marketer as well as several other paradoxical titles.

He can also be found on Twitter

Bit of an edit

So apparently people like reading about other people. Who knew? I didn’t. What a bunch of freaks you all are (Yes this includes you, the person that’s clicked through to the about page). Well, whatever floats your boat man; alright enough with the micro-sentences, this is me:

• I am the Cynical Grinch.
• I like making lists of three…












(Not really)


• I feel like I’m in my 60’s.
• Except my abdomen isn’t as wrinkly as some of my other parts, yet.
• I don’t like people. This probably includes you.
• I like stupid people even less.
• Generally speaking, “stupid people” refers to everybody that is not me.
• Schopenhauer was a sad, miserable bastard that I definitely wouldn’t like, but I’ll eat my hat before admitting that he was wrong about many of the things he wrote about.
• I’ve shattered my femur and I’ve had kidney stones. I still want to go to Costa Rica to get bitten by the bullet ant to complete my quest for most painful sensations.
• The bullet ant is my favourite single animal.
• I’m a grammar Nazi. Actually I’m more of a grammar SS man.
• I hate reading anything that relates to people, their emotions and their life stories.
• My MBTI is INTJ.
• Competence beats compassion. Invariably.
• I hate the word ‘invariable’ and every word related to it.
• I don’t believe in love.
• I am a Nihilist, and an anti-theist.
• I don’t understand the notion of not thinking, because I’m always thinking, and usually about several things at once.
• One of these things is in the form of (very lame) humor.
• I don’t like cheese, tomato sauce, and a very long list of other things.
• I’m NSFW.
• I like things that have an extensive list of options, settings and variables. Simple tools bore me. I guess that makes me somewhat nerdish.
• I really don’t like sharing information about myself so this list would hurt my soul if I had one.
• Dylan Moran is my favourite comedian, followed by Mitch Hedberg.
• Black Label is the only alcohol worth drinking.
• I spend more time researching a cellphone I’m planning to buy than most people do for a car or house.
• I love motorbikes. My fist love was the Suzuki GSXR-750 and now it is the Honda CBR1000RR.
• Don’t think that I’ve contradicted myself by saying I love something. It’s called semantics, you idiot.
• I make detailed plans for things that will probably never happen. They usually come with contingency plans. You never know…
• People think I walk around angry, but that’s just the most comfortable expression my face can make.
• Spiders are my favourite type of animal.
• Dr Joseph Goebbels was a genius.
• There’s no such thing as random.
• If you’re still reading, you may have assumed that I’m an uptight, boring person. You’re wrong. I’m not a person, I’m an alien.
• I’ve got the patience of a sage, but I really don’t like queues. Mostly because there’s other people in them.
• Some people are cool.
• Ass > breasts.
• I don’t like answering the phone. I’d much rather receive an email.
• Sometimes I behave like a child and go mental. It’s fun.
• I swear quite a lot, and if you don’t like it you can fuck right off.
• I enjoy sitting and watching people, but I’d prefer not to hear them. That will surely piss me off because they’d most likely be talking about asinine crap.
• I have at least three to-do lists at any one time but I won’t really care if I lose all three. C’est la vie.
• I never cheat, at anything.
• Sometimes before I’ll approach a girl, I’ll plan an entire conversation with her in my head planning tributary conversations consisting of witty things to say. It never works and they usually don’t catch the wit. Either that or I’m not as funny as everybody knows me to be.
• I don’t really mind living off boiled eggs and dry bread for a month, for instance. It’s all the same to me.
• I have an extremely acute sense of smell.
• I like following the news and current affairs. I don’t give a shit about the consequences of current events; I just like to satirize them.
• Sometimes I’ll argue with somebody inside my head because the internal conversation has headed in that direction.
• In a personal capacity, I’m pretty sure that I never leave a first good impression. In a business capacity, I never fail to do so.
• Are you seriously still reading this? Stalker.
• I don’t think I ever really get awkward, although I have a knack for making others feel awkward.
• This is a very non-objective account of me. I’ll stop.